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Author Topic: Looking for a bit of advice...  (Read 526 times)
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« on: December 05, 2008, 06:01:25 PM »

Well,... not exactly to best place to ask for relationship advice but... Meh, here it goes.

It's about this girl I've been dating on and off, for anonymity's sake, we'll call her "M". I met her about 2 months ago through a friend... There was instant attraction between us and in days we were dating.. We were so great for a few weeks, but then she got VERY angry about some things I've done in my past that I'm not particularly proud of... Harsh words and tears were exchanged for a few days but we made up and started again... Then about 5 weeks ago I did something INCREDIBLY stupid (I wish I didn't have to say but its hard to understand without it... I fooled around with my ex ... another story, I broke her heart and she was crazy depressed suicidal and it just happened... anywaysss), and I felt really REALLY so guilty about it so I had to admit it to her and I did... So of course she was really really angry like screaming I HATE YOU GO KILL YOURSELF JUST DIE angry and I didn't retaliate because I really deserved it .. and we didn't talk for like 3 weeks... But towards the end of those 3 weeks my friend (Her friend too) told me that she said she misses me... And of course I did too.. And a few days later we started talking lightly a bit again, and eventually we forgave eachother and I PROMISED to never hurt her again and we've been dating again for about a week now... And it has been AMAZING, I love her so much and we are perfect for eachother and we talk constantly... But this is what I'm asking... Ever since we were dating for the second time I've been thinking more and more that I want to spend my life with her, she's expressed the same thing when we were in the first fight, and its still a view I hold... I've been really wanting to ask her that if she would spend her life with me once we are both out of college but I'm afraid this is moving too fast and I'm afraid I'll scare her, but, if she said yes I know we'd be great together and we could last forever.. Her birthday is a few days from Christmas and I'd like to ask her around then.. But basically what I'm asking is general advice.. Is this moving to fast? Would I scare her? Or any other advice & ideas would be awesome...

._.
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« Reply #1 on: December 05, 2008, 06:12:02 PM »

relax, you *both* are still too young (and i pressed the word young). love is great. the joy we had when we have it, and the sorrow we felt when we lost it.

Its better not to ask her "that" at her birthday. slow down a bit. don't rush things. it will come naturally. when you are eating ice cream, you don't simply gobbled it. you lick it slowly. its similar in this case. try to keep that love sweetness even after marriage. Even if she is dating you, how about her parents.. ? do they even like you? (maybe i should rephrase that.. do they even know you?


then again, its totally up to you to listen or not. what i just said is crap. listen if you want to. Duh
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« Reply #2 on: December 06, 2008, 12:52:10 AM »

No. Not after one week of dating. Trust isn't won in 1 week. Date her a few more times and start with a long term relation.

Not that age makes a difference in age but how old are you actually? Smiley
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« Reply #3 on: December 06, 2008, 02:43:22 AM »

I'm glad that you guys like each other and all, but I think it might be too early to commit yourselves to a lifelong decision. You should take a few weeks, months, years, or however long you need to calm your mind, learn more about each other, and consider your decision.

I know it's your life and not mine, and I don't subscribe to the classical American style, but you asked for advice so here it is smiley
While you're caught in the excitement of now, don't forget to think carefully about the future. I've found that it helps to think about it for a few years, and I'm not much older than you lol. Get her something she likes for the holidays.
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« Reply #4 on: December 06, 2008, 03:06:32 AM »

My advice would be :

Spend some more time with her, take it slowly. Dont rush things and get to know eachother really well. Make sure that is want you both want, and dont pressure her.
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« Reply #5 on: December 06, 2008, 03:47:46 AM »

uh oh another chemical mess up Duh oh well... any case like others said take things slow Duh you dont want to end up regretting possibly every thing.

hmm after reading it again...

Dont do it this year Wink wait for a while maybe next summer and if you both are able to get off work for a week or two take a trip together Wink but dont do anything then (like asking the question) wait for a little while longer. now what you should also look at i not that you like/love her but also if either of you could support each other if one loses a job Wink if the answer is no then maybe hold off till you know you both have a decent amount of money and or a decent job security Wink

Oh one more thing if you do pop the question make sure you both do a prenup Duh Why? just in case if anything happens and you two go separate ways after marriage Wink this will save both of you tons of legal fees and possible what you need to live.
Like she keeps the house you keep the car and get support from her or what ever you two decide if it happens (after the fact, all the prenup does is give you a list of what you get if you to separate)...
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« Reply #6 on: December 06, 2008, 02:54:02 PM »

Yea slow down abit,

Move one step and a little step at a time then probe for understanding and what its mean to you & her..
Find out if both have the same feeling/meaning for each other in every level before go on further..

Be careful.. love is like programming, it can go in infinite loop.. and if it does 2 thing can happen loop forever or crash..

You have plenty of time, enjoy and take responsibility..
« Last Edit: December 06, 2008, 02:59:38 PM by qserver » Logged
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« Reply #7 on: December 06, 2008, 02:57:15 PM »

Be careful.. love is like programming, it can go in infinite loop.. and if it does 2 thing can happen loop forever or crash.

This is why people unroll loops wink
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« Reply #8 on: December 06, 2008, 03:31:44 PM »

Be careful.. love is like programming, it can go in infinite loop.. and if it does 2 thing can happen loop forever or crash.

This is why people unroll loops wink

true.. cheesy
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